The top 5 worse things about being childless

1. Taking fatherhood away from my husband
The worse part about having a hysterectomy was the impact it had on my wonderful husband. It’s bad enough knowing that I will never be a parent, but inflicting the same future onto him is much worse. He has been nothing, but loving and considerate throughout the whole ordeal, and I feel lucky to have someone who is so understanding. I know he feels his own pain and for that I am really sorry. I Love you G xx

2. Having too many choices!
After getting married, it was always in the plan to have children shortly after. That’s what people do, that’s what we wanted and we were ready. Without that option we are still unsure about what to do with our lives. The possibilities are endless, which can be a good thing, but it can also be very unsettling. Of course, we have thought about adoption, fostering and surrogacy. All these have their positives and negatives and all have been discussed at length. So, what about skipping the children thing altogther and maybe just get a dog? That too is an option. I could go back to uni, maybe change my career. G wants to move to Canada and build a straw bale house! The path we are on has many avenues, but knowing which one to take is a mine field.

3. Feeling worlds apart from friends.
Before my friends started popping out their off spring, talking on the phone with them was a pleasure. I could chat for hours, catching up, gossiping and pouring out my heart and soul. Those days have now gone. It is virtually impossible to have a good conversation with anyone who has a child under ten. We try, we are pateint, but there comes a time when you just have to say “I’ll call you back at a more convenient time.” The only problem is, there is never a more convenient time. Basically, I have loads of spare time, and they don’t. It becomes difficult to see them, talk to them and just spend quality time together.

4. Have you got children?
This is a simple enough question, and I don’t mind answering it. However, when I say “no,” it never seems to end there. The next question will be either:
Why, don’t you want them?
Not yet eh?
Are you planning to have them?

I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but if they continue to ask questions I have to continue to answer them. In the end, the enquirer apologises profusely and makes a sharp exit, leaving both of us feeling awkward.

5. Watching families doing family things.
Sometimes, watching mums and dads having a good old family day out can make me feel…. Well, sad. There’s no other word to describe it really. There was a point in time when I had to stop going on facebook for fear of seeing baby pictures, with comments like ” Being a mum is the best thing in the world!” Thanks for that, some of us can’t be, I wanted to reply.

What are your top 5?


2 thoughts on “The top 5 worse things about being childless

  1. My hysterectomy is next week, but I’ve been grieving not having children for a while. My husband and I tried for years and recently found out that I have stage 4 endometrosis and it was causing my infertility. On top of it I also found out I have ovarian cancer…hence the upcoming hysterectomy. I agree 100% with you, I feel terrible about taking fatherhood away from my husband. We have had so many conversations over the years about how we would raise our children and now we will never know what that is like. I often hate having conversations on the phone with people who have children because they either talk about their children none stop or the children are in the back ground and they want their parents attention. That also goes for having dinner with friends and they bring their children along. I often think they would want a night out, but it appears I am often wrong. But then you have to have child appropriate conversations and it makes me feel like I should have stayed home and read a good book.

    However, I do think there are a lot of good reasons to not have children…or I try to look on the bright side. We can retire sooner then planned. I don’t have to worry about the music I listen to, or the tv that I watch. I never have to find a babysitter, we can go out when we want. My husband and I don’t need a night out to have a conversation with each other…we can talk freely all the time. We will have more time and money to travel.

    I try to not think about the things that we are missing out on. I hope you have a great family…some nieces and nephews that you can spend time with.

  2. I agree that it’s best to think of the positives of childlessness rather than always focussing on the negatives. Unfortunately, I don’t have any nieces or nephews because my brother is single, but is looking for love all the time, bless him. My sister in law got married last year so maybe she’ll have children soon. However, I spend all my working day with children so I’m not missing out on much and to be honest when I get home from work it’s nice to have a bit of peace!
    I think I’ll do the top 5 reasons why childlessness is the not the end of the world. It might cheer us all up a bit.
    Take care and good luck with your hysterectomy. Make sure you visit the hysterectomy website that’s on my blogroll, it’s excellent for support. There’s also a monthly club on the forums you can join, where you can talk to women who are having their hysterectomy on the same month as you. It’s nice to compare notes on how you are recovering.

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