I’ve always wondered about this question.
Before my hysterectomy G and I said we would want to have our own baby and adopt. I think adoption is a lovely thing to do, and I wouldn’t have any problem loving a child that wasn’t biologically mine. As a primary school teacher, I have wanted to take a few neglected children home to look after. It’s easy to get attached when you are with them everyday. Obviously, I never have, that would be wrong.
So, why are we all so obsessed with having our own children?
Obviously, the main reason is innate and natural. A women has hormomes that fly around her body that just scream, “It’s time you were pregnant Mrs!” These feelings become so strong that women find them difficult to ignore. Men probably have something similar, where their testosterone levels urge them to pass on their genes to continue their family name. Fair enough, its biology and we can’t really argue with that.
I know that couples want to produce something that is made from the love that they have for each other. I know that starting a family shows true commitment and is a beautiful way to seal the bond. But, is it really necessary? After all, there’re too many people on the planet as it is, and just after watching Jeremy Kyle ( A British chat show similar to Ricky Lake, Montel Williams and Sally) it’s obvious to see there are many children out there who are crying out for someone to give them a stable and loving home. Unfortunately though it’s not easy to “just adopt.” In fact for some it’s near impossible. The hoops you have to jump through to adopt in your own country and the money you have to fork out if you choose to adopt abroad, is enough to put anyone off the whole thing. Not only that, it’s an emotional rollar coaster of ride from start to finish.
After my hysterectomy, it was daunting to think that we wouldn’t have grown up children to look after us when are old. This is looking far into the future, but, it’s an obvious and relevant thing to think about. I remember my husband getting panicky about it, making me look up pensions and trying to work out a way we would survive financially and physically without the help of our older children. He is still a bit like this, but has calmed down somewhat. This may be another motive to have children, but isn’t an obvious one until you realise you can’t.
I wanted to make a baby to show the world how much we loved each other. I was looking forward to caring for it, feeling proud of their achievments and bringing it up to be a brilliant human being. I wanted another little part of our family to love. Two to become three because my husband and I are good together. I also wanted to see what we could produce looks wise! I mean he has a big nose and I’m a short arsed raggy doll, it was fun to day dream about those kinds of things. Luckily for me, wanting a child has very little to do with biology and more to do with loving another person. I just wish the UK adoption process was as easy as the making a baby process.
My conclusion then, is that having a biological baby in these times would be deemed as being selfish, but only if adoption was easy. We all want a baby for our own motives, to make us feel better, to give us somebody else to love. Unless the world stops having children for many years the human race won’t suddenly end if we decide not to have children. However, having a child is the most natural thing in the world, so being selfish this one time is perfectly fine.
What do you think?