The joys of Christmas!

I really want to enjoy Christmas. I like to spend time with my husband and visiting my parents and brother. Being with loved ones is my favourite part of the season. I haven’t enjoyed Christmas since my teenage years. My dad left the family home, so it became an annoying time of year when I had to pretend to be happy, hopping from house to house giving presents to people I didn’t really care about. Now, things feel better, but instead of it being tainted by having a dysfunctional family, it is now tainted by not having little children to share it with.

This week has been very emotional. I desperately wanted to organise Christmas early, so that I felt in control and knew what we were doing. Without realising it, my plans and thoughts really upset my husband, and we have argued for 5 days straight. Thankfully, things are better now, and we are trying really hard to see one anothers’ perspective.

After talking it over we came to the conclusion that Christmas is filled with raw emotions from the past and the present. I shared my dreams of having 3 generations of people, sat around my dinner table, whilst I cook up a storm (or not) in the kitchen. Of how, I would like to play board games after lunch, and watch Christmas movies into the evening. G told me that Christmas was really important to him, and even though he wasn’t going to be a dad he still wanted us to develop our own family traditions. That people should come to visit us and we should be seen as a family unit in our right. He said all his life he had looked forward to having a family of his own at Chrismas, but even without children, we are still the family that he wants to be with.

I have cried buckets these past few days. It’s so hard to see adverts on the TV of children opening presents and big families eating their Christmas lunch. To think that we will never be listening to excited children on Christams Eve, or watching them in their Nativity play is quite heartbreaking. We really want to be parents, and Christmas just rubs salt in the wounds.

How do you cope at Christmas?


4 thoughts on “The joys of Christmas!

  1. I am a 50 year old female with Turner’s Syndrome. (I am short and don’t have ovaries but I am otherwise normal) I don’t have children either. My husband and I don’t even bother to put up a Christmas Tree and i Believe not having children is the reason why. I still enjoy having the day off work and eating with my family so it isn’t all bad. I do have fleeting wishes that I could have children and feel your pain.. I think being told I have Turner’s Syndrome when I was 13 years old and understanding then that I would never have children helped me cope better than most childless women who find out later.

    • Hi Katy,
      Thanks for your comment. I used to teach a little girl with Turners Syndrome, so I understand your condition well. I suppose knowing early on that you can’t have children must have softened the blow a little, but I bet when you were younger you didn’t really understand fully how it would impact your life. I hope you have a lovely Christmas, with or without a tree.

  2. It hasnt been Christmas at all this year. I had my Op on Nov 29th so still recovering. We haven’t been able to do much, but then I haven’t been able to ignore Christmas as I run a Pub. I certainly haven’t taken part in many celebrations but I will do on New Years Eve. I cant wait to see the back of 2012, it truly has been a bloody awful year. Cheer yourselves up by reading my Blog at least we are all in this together and can see some comfort in our writings xx

    • I’m sorry to hear you haven’t had a nice Christmas. It must be hard staying cheery for the locals when you feel so down. My first Christmas after my op was also very emotional. I had my op in September so I was getting better by Christmas, but the emotions were still very raw. I cried a lot, but it’s all part of the healing process. I obviously still get upset, but I am able to put things into perspective now. I hope 2013 is a happier year for you. Just concentrate on getting physically over your op and don’t expect too much too soon. Spring will be here before we know it! Take Care, and thanks for posting.

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