I saw the gynecologist yesterday and although he really didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, I now feel worse about it all. For a start, I had to have my appointment at the cancer centre, which made my stomach tie up in knots straight away. He sat me down and said one of the cysts was definitley not cancerous, but the other looks either benign or borderline cancerous. I wasn’t sure what that meant so he said borderline means in between cancer and not. I also have another cyst above my cervix, but he didn’t say much about that one.
He then examined me and said the cyst was palpable, which was a good sign apparently. So now I have to have CT scan to find out more about the cyst and a blood test on Monday to see if I have any cancer markers.
The worst thing so far (apart from the fact I might have cancer), is that I will have to have both my ovaries removed. Due to the size of the cyst, he doesn’t think he can do it key hole, so I’ll need another great big operation. When I had my hysterectomy, I ended up in intensive care because my lungs were not functioning properly, so now I’m really scared about the operation. He said they will take good care of me and carry out lung function tests etc before the operation, so that shouldn’t happen again, but it’s still scary.
At the moment I am crying a lot. I’m not sure how I will cope if it does turn out to be cancer. I can’t believe I am having to deal with yet another health issue, when to look at me you wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with me. I am healthy! It is helping writing it all down on this blog though, it kind of clears my mind and makes me feel a little stronger.
How things can change in a month! I spoke to my mum today to see how she is. She’s on week two of her recovery from radio therapy for breast cancer. She is so wonderful. Still up beat and laughing when she’s really been through it these past few weeks. It was hard not to tell her about my problems, and she could tell by my voice that there was something wrong. I managed to hold it together, and lie that I was just tired. I won’t tell her anything until I know for sure what’s going to happen. She needs to stay positive for her own health.
So now I have to wait for my scan appointment and support my husband, who is going for an operation on Tuesday. He’s very quiet at the moment and I’m worried about him. It’s times like this that I wish I lived closer to my friends and family. Speaking on the phone isn’t the same as seeing someone in the the flesh and I could really do with some positive vibes.
Comments below are welcome, but as I’m a bit vulnerable at the moment, could they be positive comments. I’m frightened enough as it is, and I’m trying really hard not to read stuff on the web. Thanks for any support though, I really appreciate it!