Anxiety levels are high.

There’s a week to go before I have my ovary removed and I am becoming more anxious as the date gets closer.

Today I saw an anesthetist, not my anesthetist unfortunately, but one that will pass on my information. The reason I was referred to him is because during the last operation ( myomectomy that turned into an emergency hysterectomy) I had respiratory failure and needed intensive care for a couple of days.

He listened to my concerns and explained that due to my scoliosis and spinal rods, I have a limited lung capcity. I can’t inhale very well, but I also I don’t exhale enough either. Day to day I am fine, but when I exert myself I do notice my lung deficiency.

He was surprised to hear that I wasn’t given an epidural and a general anesthetic when I had my hysterectomy. He said that it was his hospital’s policy to give an epidural during this kind of operation because then I won’t need morphine; I will be given less general anesthetic and my recovery after surgery will be quicker. I will be given a low dosage during the op and for a couple of days after. It will completely numb the pain. Nice.

I think this is a good idea, especially in my case, the least general anesthetic the better. He said due to the scoliosis it might be a little challenging to perform the epidural, but he will make sure an experienced consultant anesthetist does it and will be with me throughout the surgery. So I’ll be asleep and also numbed from the waist down.

I know it’s all good, and they will take care of me, but I feel more nervous than ever. I read the email he sent to the anesthetist that will be doing the operation. He described me as a very high risk patient and is booking me an intensive care bed just in case something should go wrong. My husband said I should be pleased they have recognised my disabilities, because lets face it, the other surgeon didn’t. I am pleased, but it has also brought it home to me how fragile my body is. I don’t feel weak and I don’t look weak, but the reality is my body is a bit of a wreck. Should any complications arise, I am going to be in trouble.
It also makes me re-think whether I should just have both ovaries removed after all. I don’t want to put myself under more surgery if I’m described as very high risk! It might be too late to change my mind on that one though.

Maybe I’m just panicking because of the last operation. To be honest, now I am more scared of the flipping epidural than anything else. I think that’s probably the least of my worries. The anesthetist said that compared to the other operations I have had in my life, this one is a walk in the park. He’s probably right, I need to chill out and toughen up. Get a grip woman!

On top of this I have a tooth ache, but can’t get an appoinment so I’m doomed. It’s not bad enough yet for an emergency appoinment, but it might be after my op when I can’t drive or move very well. At least I’ll have some pain killers in my system, that’s some comfort.

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3 thoughts on “Anxiety levels are high.

  1. Hi me again! Hope you don’t mind me keep commenting on your blog, just wanted to offer my support. First of all I think it’s completely natural to be feeling anxious espcially considering all you have been through already. I have yet to meet anybody about to have surgery who isn’t at least apprehensive, it’s not fun. I think it probably is a good thing that they are aware of your previous difficulties and that they are prepared for taking the best care of you. I know it’s scary when you hear things like high risk, my case was described as complex and it terrified me but in the end I had a completely different experience this time around.

    You should get a visit from the surgeon and the anaethetist once you are in hospital before the op so you should be able to discuss any remaining concerns about your other ovary and anything else then. I know a couple of people who have had surgery under epidural for various reasons and they have said it was much better. I think the thought of it isn’t nice and the feeling numb is a bit odd but they said it was great for controlling the pain and wasn’t like they imagined it to be at all. Both of them said they would do it that way again.

    I think you should try to treat yourself gently if you can for the next week as you are bound to feel wobbly. I hope your tooth settles down too, toothache isn’t nice. Sending you a big hug, take care x

    • Hi again!
      Of course I don’t mind you commenting on my blog! I really appreciate your support.
      Thank you for telling me about the people you know who have had an epidural. I think I’m just scared of the needle going in my back, but they said they will sedate me and give a local anesthetic so I shouldn’t feel it going in, and if I do, I won’t be bothered because I’ll be sedated.I just wish they could do it once I was under the general, but because of my spine they need me to be awake so I can tell them what I can feel. I’ll be put under after it’s taken and I’m numb.
      I just have to think, this time next week it’ll all be over.

      • Glad you don’t mind my input, sadly I have a lot of personal experience in this area but I’m glad I can share my experiences and hopefully offer some support. My sister had an epidural for some gynae surgery a couple of years ago,she is terrified of needles and was really scared of having it done. As it was an emergency they didn’t have time to sedate her and she told me it was fine, nothing at all like she was worried about so hopefully with the help of the sedation, you will be fine too.

        I get through things by thinking this time next week it will all be over and I find it helps. I find it helpful to break things down into baby steps and to try just get through each day at a time. I also found some meditations/relaxations to go on my ipod to help prepare for surgery. I don’t know if that’s your kind of thing or not but I found it quite helpful. If all else fails, just think when this all over you will have earnt yourself a very large glass of wine and a big bar of chocolate! X

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