I have a hundred butterflies fluttering around in my tummy today. I haven’t cried yet, which is a bonus, but my nerves are being rattled. I have tried my best to get the house in order before I go into hospital. I’ve cleaned, vacumed, laundered and shopped, but my house still seems to look untidy. My husband will be great and look after me really well, but cleaning isn’t his strong point because he tends to just move things around without actually putting them away. So, I want everything just right before I go in or else my mind won’t settle. Also, my mum is coming to my house for the first time (we live several hundred miles apart) so I want it to be nice for her.
I didn’t sleep very well last night and when I woke up at 4am I noticed that G hadn’t even come to bed. I went down stairs and he was sat in the dark fiddling with his …………………………………..phone. Ha Ha, did you have a dirty mind? Anyway, I’m a bit comcerned now that he is overly worrying because he stays up late when he’s depressed or overly worrying. I know he would have been on his xbox for most of the night (boys and their toys) but he hasn’t stayed up that late in years. He’s still in bed at the moment so I will talk to him later.
My thoughts keep turning to the little room before the theatre. I hate that room. Everyone is extra nice, needles are being put into you with the words ” sharp scratch,” and feelings of being out of control are over whelming. I am going to ask for a pre med before I get there. The more out of it I am the better. Everyone says to me “Oh, you should be used it now, after all the operations you’ve had,” but I think I’m more scared because of all the operations I’ve had. I had so many as as a child, and they weren’t exactly pleasant experiences, so being a bit phobic of hospitals is quite natural I’d have thought. So yes, I know what’s coming, but I don’t like it and it doesn’t comfort me.
After being in “the zone” for a couple of weeks I can feel myself starting to crumble a bit. I need to stay positive and think that it’s a good thing that they are removing those horrible growths that might be the dreaded C word. I am very lucky to live in the UK where the treatment is free and I there are qualified people who can help. I am also lucky to have the support of my family and friends.
Surgery, lets get ready to rumble!!
I love these guys! To those who don’t know, these are our much loved TV presenters Ant and Dec, who when teenagers, used to be on a children’s program in the 80s called “Byker Grove.” All those years ago they had a one hit wonder with this song, and the other weekend, for a laugh, they did it again on their own show. It’s now number one on i tunes! They can certainly still bust out some moves. I watched with wide eyes and a smile.