About Me!

Welcome to my blog.
I’m a thirty something lady searching for my new purpose in life now that I can’t have children. I’m hoping this blog will give me space to think and re-evaluate my possibilities. When life doesn’t go to plan it’s sometimes difficult to get back on track. They say it’s good to talk, so this is me talking. If you want to talk back to me please feel free to leave your comments.

I’ll start by telling you a little bit about myself. I am from the north of England, but now live in the south. I am married, and am a Primary School Teacher. My husband and I did the whole travelling thing through our twenties ( I met him at uni when I was 19) and we loved every minute of it. We have not really settled down yet, and are still looking for that special place to call home.

Anyway, all through my life I have had health problems of some sort. It all started in my mother’s womb. I was born without an oesophagus, technically named an oesophageal atresia and after fixing that little problem, I then grew up to have a crooked spine (scoliosis). So, at 14, I had two metal rods put down my spine to straighten me up. Now for the adult problems…

On my 26th birthday to be precise, the doctors discovered I had a small uterine fibroid (which is benign tumour by the way) that measured 4cm in diameter. They reassured me it was nothing to worry about. Oh, and on the same day, they asked “Did you know you only had one kidney?” This birthday did not go down in history as one of my favourites!

You will now be getting the idea, that I am, as my husband likes to affectionately call me, a “RaggyDoll” (old 80s children’s T.V programme).

From the title of my blog, you have probably guessed that the small uterine fibroid, (that I had nothing to worry about), became something to worry about. It became bigger and bigger and multiplied into lots of little fibroids which also became bigger. Eventually, I was constantly being asked if I was pregnant, as my womb was the size of a twelve week pregnancy.

In September 2010 I went into hospital to have my fibroids removed ( a Myomectomy). But, for some reason, unknown to me, the powers that be decided that I didn’t deserve to be “blessed” with a child. Due to complications, the Myomectomy turned into a Hysterectomy. I am now writing this blog through tears, which is precisely why I need to write it.

The ‘Raggy Doll’ becomes raggier

In April 2013 I was diagnosed with having ovarian cysts. I had surgery to remove my left ovary and a cyst removed from my right. I am grateful that they weren’t cancerous. I have written more about this experience in my blog under the category Ovarian Cysts.

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11 thoughts on “About Me!

  1. Thanks for commenting. I’m sure there is a plan for us all, not sure what mine is yet, apart from costing the NHS thousands of pounds! God bless the NHS and the wonderful surgeons, doctors and nurses.

  2. Hi there, thanks for sharing your story! I’ve started a little blog myself (across the pond in Canada) after having a hysterectomy – unplanned as well. I’m hoping my blog could serve as a resource for women going through similar situations. I’m looking for others to share their stories on my blog (ourhystories.wordpress.com) and if you would like to share your story on there, I’d love it! If you’re interested, feel free to comment on my blog and I’ll get in touch – thanks!

    • Hi,
      Thanks for commenting! You are my 100th commenter, so congratulations! (there’s no prize, sorry). I will definitely go and have a look at your new blog, and I am sorry you have had a similar experience to me. I hope you are recovering well.

      • 100th commenter – yay 🙂 I am recovering quite well, thanks! I find the most challenging thing right now is just wondering if each ‘issue’ that comes up is ‘normal’ or to be expected. That’s one reason I find blogs like these very helpful!

  3. Hi, I applaud you for your honest account of how you feel. I have a very close friend who through no fault of her own had to have a hysterectomy at 30. She had not considered children really at that point in her life but no has no choice to make just like yourself. She is struggling to come to terms with the loss of her womb and I was wondering if you could assist. You have my email address if you wish to contact me. Well done and be proud of yourself.

    • Hi Ryan.
      Thank you for your comment. I am sorry to hear about your friend, its such a difficult thing to come to terms with, but with time and a lot of greiving she will feel better. I am a member of gateway women which is an online google+ support group. Its a private group and a great way of meeting woman in the same situation as your friend. I will email you soon, but at the moment I only have a limited amount of internet because i have just moved to caribbean and haven’t settled in completely yet. As soon as I move into my house( 22nd sept) and get internet i will email u properly. Your friend is lucky to have such a thoughtful person in her life. You are a good friend and thats what she needs right now. I will be in touch soon xx

  4. Don’t feel bad, I am 34 years old and had a partial hysterectomy with one ovary removed due to endo and scar tissue. I was 27 yrs old with three small fibroids. My Dr. told me there’s nothing to worry about. My fibroids were located outside my uterus at the bottom. My cycles were normal. Well, when I was 29 going on 30, I had a myomectomy. By that time I had four fibroids! The three at the bottom and one huge one sitting on the top of my uterus. That big one was 14cm and weighed 3 pounds! It was a dense sucker! My Dr who did the surgery told me at my post-op that later on when I “get” older that I may need a hysterectomy because my uterus was stretched up to my navel. As time went on I started to gain weight and my mid section made me looked pregnant. I had people ask me if I was. Well, last year ( 34 years old). I kept having back and chest pain with my left arm going numb. I went to the ER several times. All the test they ran came back negative. When I went for my ultrasound, the results came back not good! My uterus was stretched past my navel, my uterus measured 17cm in diameter. I then had two huge fibroids again! One was 10cm and the other was 8cm. Hysterectomy was the only option. You may say why, the reason was because I don’t have any children, my Dr. was trying to give me the benefit of the doubt. I had to tell my whole family and my closet friends about my situation. My Dr had to cut me vertical because my uterus was stretched upward. When I woke up from my surgery I had a catheter in me and was hooked up to an IV. I was given an epidural and Dilaudid. It was my mom that told me my Dr. removed my left ovary due to scaring and endo. The next day my stiches came apart! I laid in my bed for one hour and waited for the nurse to get my Dr. ASAP. My Dr. had to pack me and take me back to the OR again to fix my stitches. After that I was okay. My surgery was on a Thursday morning, I didn’t leave the hospital not until Sunday afternoon. I believe the fibroids were causing me other complications that I was having because after the surgery I had no more issues. I even saw the pictures of my uterus, the fibroids, my tubes, cervix and my ovary. It looked like something off of Aliens. My challenge that I have knowing that if I ever date again, if it becomes serious I would have to tell the guy about me unable to have children.

    • Dear Renee,

      Thank you for your comment.

      You sound like you have had a very similar experience to me and I am sorry you have been through such an ordeal. Although doctors initially don’t seem to worry about fibroids, we are proof that they are something to worry about especially because of the speed in which they can grow and multiply.

      Just like you, my small 4cm fibroid turned into a massive one and by the time I was ready to sort it out, it was too big and there were too many of them. Maybe if I had chosen to have a myomectomy sooner I wouldn’t have had all the complications, but I was too busy living my life and travelling the world to worry about it. After all, the doctors didn’t seem worried so why should I?

      I know what you mean about the fibroids causing other issues. I found it difficult to eat because I felt full all the time and if I led down for too long I would get achy pains in my pelvis. Fibroids are just nasty horrible things. It was such a relief to have rid of them!

      I am pleased you don’t have any more health issues, but it is very sad that you won’t be able to have children. My scar is also vertical which took a while to get used to, but just like all my scars (I have many on my stomach) I wear it with pride. I see it as a battle that I have won and I am proud to have come through the other side.

      I know it must seem daunting thinking about dating when you have been through so much and it is very natural to worry about what the guy will think. I am sure that if you have a connection with someone they will love you no matter what. I was with my boyfriend (now husband) for 10 years when I had my hysterectomy and I felt guilty for a long time because I knew that if he stayed with me he would never father his own child. I gave him the option to leave, but he said that he if was to have children he would only want them with me. I’m not saying it was easy because it wasn’t and we both had to grieve for the children that we had planned, but in the long run it has made us stronger.

      I would advise you to take it one step at a time and just be honest with anyone you date and ask them to be honest with you too. Some men might say that having children is something that they really want and it’s a deal breaker, but some men might not. My husband reckons that not all men want children and given a choice they would choose to have the freedom that comes with not being a father. Some might be happy to create a family with you another way such as adoption or fostering. You might meet someone who already has children and doesn’t want anymore anyway. All I am trying to say is that there are many situations that could arise, so don’t let the fact that you can’t have children stop you dating and from being in a happy relationship. Telling a guy that you can’t have children will no doubt be a difficult conversation, but if you have it early(ish) on, then you can both make a decision about whether to continue to date and you will be less likely to get hurt.

      Good luck and take care. It does get easier in time, but you have to work through it in your own way.

      Xx

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